The Gray Panthers fight back!

   Shown below, is an actual letter
   that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.
  
   The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published
   in the New York Times.
 
> >      Dear Sir:
> >
> >      I am writing to thank you for
> > bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last
> > month.
> >
> >      By my calculations, three
> > nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the
> > arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it..
> >
> >      I refer, of course, to the
> > automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which,
> > I admit, has been in place for only eight years.
> >
> >      You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
> > opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty
> > for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
> >
> >      My thankfulness springs from the
> > manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant
> > financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your
> > telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am
> > confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless
> > entity which your bank has become.
> >
> >      From now on, I, like you, choose
> > only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
> >
> >      My mortgage and loan repayments
> > will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive
> > at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an
> > employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
> >
> >      Be aware that it is an OFFENSE
> > under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
> >
> >      Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your
> > chosen employee to complete.
> >
> >      I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as
> > much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no
> > alternative.
> >
> >      Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
> > countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
> > financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
> > accompanied by documented proof.
> >
> >      In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with
> > a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
> >
> >      I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I
> > have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to
> > access my account balance on your phone bank service.
> >
> >      As they say, imitation is the
> > sincerest form of flattery.
> >
> >      Let me level the playing field even further.
> >
> >      When you call me, press buttons as
> > follows:
> >
> >      IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS
> > THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
> >
> >      #1. To make an appointment to see me
> >
> >      #2. To query a missing payment.
> >
> >      #3. To transfer the call to my
> > living room in case I am there.
> >
> >      #4 To transfer the call to my
> > bedroom in case I am sleeping.
> >
> >      #5. To transfer the call to my
> > toilet in case I am attending to nature.
> >
> >      #6.. To transfer the call to my
> > mobile phone if I am not at home.
> >
> >      #7. To leave a message on my
> > computer, a password to access my computer is required.
> >
> >      Password will be communicated to
> > you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
> >
> >      #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through
> > 7.
> >
> >      #9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.
> >
> >      The contact will then be put on
> > hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
> >
> >      #10. This is a second reminder to
> > press* for English.
> >
> >      While this may, on occasion,
> > involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of
> > the call.
> >
> >      Regrettably, but again following
> > your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the
> > setting up of this new arrangement.
> >
> >      May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New
> > Year?
> >
> >      Your Humble Client
> >
> >      And remember: Don't make old People mad. Keep in mind that "old"
> > just means we've lived longer than others and learned more than most.
> >
> >      We don't like being old in the
> > first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off. Because we know
> > the difference of when we're pissed off and pissed on...
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >